Getting Help

Let me start by saying that I am currently in my early 20’s and I am not a parent. I would love to be, but that gift hasn’t been given to me yet.  Let me also say, as a daughter of a single parent, I know that being a parent is hard, being a single parent is harder.  Do not tell me that I don’t know how it is because I haven’t been there; many people understand others’ experiences just by witnessing them and understanding them, such as I with my parent. With that being said, let’s move on to what I’m here for.  This blog is to help others see the joy and damage that they might be causing or feeling while they’re in similar situations. Posts may be about my day, my past, or just things that I find important and would love to share with my audience.

Today, part of the reason I started Roses and Quicksand is because today was a day of quicksand. Life isn’t always going to be beautiful like roses, it will have its times when it is like quicksand too and seems to be sucking you down with every ounce of its being no matter how much you struggle and fight back.  If you’re going through a patch of quicksand, just remember to relax and breathe and don’t feel overwhelmed, just like real quicksand.  (I know, easier said than done…trust me, been there done that, got the t-shirt and in the struggle, it got destroyed.)  No matter what life throws at you, be prepared to rule with an iron fist and love with the heart of an angel.

So, back to today. Recently it has come to my attention that my parent has a problem. I have been researching how to help them out with it and get them better…this problem is alcoholism. Not only do I see it effecting my parent and destroying them, I see it destroying me too.  My grandparent, with whom my parent and I reside, was recently diagnosed with cancer and has gone through chemo, we’re waiting to hear an update before they move onto radiation…my parent is recently unemployed due to a lay-off, and I have taken on a second job to help pick up the slack while they’re in their gloomy post-lay-off funk. One week, I counted the bottles as I took out the recycle…it averaged at 54 bottles of beer a week. That’s when it struck me that I need to get my parent help.  Yes, I’m still trying to convince them that they really need it, but it’s a work in progress, change can’t happen over night.

Tonight, I took a shower, got out to dry off and I heard my parent trying to get into the locked bathroom. The door shook and it seemed like my parent was seconds away from breaking down the door because they forgot I was in there…an effect of the alcohol.  It hurts me to see them hurting themself. And as a young adult, getting ready to get their first apartment, it really makes me worry if they’ll be okay when I move out, if they’ll be capable of helping my grandparent.  My grandparent sees the alcoholism too, as much as we try to shield them from it because of the illness and age…we don’t want them to worry. So tomorrow, I’m planning on confronting my parent about their alcohol problem and tell them that I think they need help…I am scared out of my mind but I hope my parent accepts the damage it’s doing to us as a family and tries to better it. As a young 20-something, it’s really hard being the only able adult in the house, and I won’t be here forever, I have my life and I want my own family and kids at some point. As I write this on another sleepless night of mine (which I have more often than not), it is nearing 4:30 am…at around 1:30 am, I heard my parent so drunk that they were puking in their room…it is the first time I have ever heard my parent puke, even when they were sick. I am so scared for tomorrow (well, today I guess) and confronting my parent about their alcohol addiction…12 beers in one night is not acceptable. I’m the one that’s in my “party years” and I’m never drunk, and I’m the one taking care of all the family needs…a little bit of role reversal has occurred, although I was never one to party.

I don’t want to blame my parent. I know alcoholism is an illness, and I want to help them desperately. If you have any form of addiction and you know it’s hurting you, you are also probably hurting the ones close to you too. …just know you are not alone. If you or someone you love is suffering from alcoholism or any other form of addiction, call a center for help or advice. It helped me.

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2 thoughts on “Getting Help

  1. I hope that you will be prepared for an answer you may not want to hear. Also, if it indeed your intention to “confront” your parent, perhaps you could stage a loving intervention with other family members? Just confronting your parent by yourself, with no real plan, will probably not end well. Remember, alcoholism is not a choice. It’s an even more difficult choice to quit. I am not trying to give you unsolicited advice, but this is a slippery slope for one as young as yourself–no knock on your age. Signed, a recovering alcoholic who drank for 35 years and is currently in treatment.

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